Rule 3: Believe your Body!

Micro-managing nonverbal behaviour is absurd!

This is probably the most contentious of the three rules. When I was first "trained" to deal with an aggressor I was told to stand in a particular way, position my hands in a particular way, look in a particular way. Don't show fear - just be a wall." Sounded impressive, except my knees kept wobbling, my heart rate went through the roof, and my attempt to look cool resulted in a goofish fixed grin.

There are serious problems with this kind of advice. First, in a photo you might look cool, but try looking cool all the way through a terrifying encounter - impossible, Second, when violence occurs it is overwhelming and your body decides what to do before you recall that you were supposed to look cool. Third, Behaviour is dynamic not static. This kind of advice is best left to the photo studio, not to practice.

"Stand tall, walk in a brisk manner, look ahead and not from side to side, talk slow

ly, clearly and in a commanding way - project a confident and powerful person." Possibly, you would get away with it, but would you continue in that way as they pulled a knife on you? I doubt it.

My worst fear, when confronted, is not person in front of me, or how dangerous they might be, or even what will happen next. What if my body shakes uncontrollably, or if I poo in my pants, or cant shut down that stupid smirk on my face. That's what I am struggling with - the aggressor is meanwhile struggling with their own crisis.

"But I freeze/scream/lash out immediately and before I have even realised what is happening."

Your body knows the score and has a base-line response available to you whatever happens. Trust your body, so that you can work with it, rather than against it - as popular advice suggests.

You can make it easier, however, to get your body to work with you rather than against you. Just stop worrying about it. If you stop trying to control your body your body will take care of itself (so long as you stay away from MacDonalds!)